My Christmas stress is letting up (mailed out 7 packages of cookies yesterday!), and I'm realizing that things are starting to come together for the wedding! I've had a few meetings with florists and one with Paper Source about invitations. We also made it through the tasting with the caterer (this was not as fun as everyone says, sadly). The things I'm learning about weddings:
1. every meeting takes longer than you think it will (nevermind the time to set the meeting, the travel time, and follow up)
2. every decision involves about 10 more decisions than you thought of originally
3.  it's really hard to keep track of what you've already decided and whether it's all going to go together and what you're probably forgetting.
4. each person involved in decision-making (me, John, parents) makes decisions in our own ways. These sometimes (or often) clash.
4. there's a reason I'm not an event planner.
So, my new strategy is to pick things I like and stop trying to make the perfect or perfectly matching choice.

Here are some updates on various decisions:

dress: I love this picture (it's the same dress I'll be wearing, but I will not be a size 2 like this lady). Looking at her pictures, I am realizing the train is looong. It's hard to judge these things on a cramped pedestal. This is a lot of dress. But it's beautiful, and I will rock it. (more pictures at: www.stylemepretty.com if you're interested)

stylemepretty.com

jewelry: There is a Sylvester "wedding necklace" that is now in my possession and I am expected to wear. My mom did not wear this necklace, is still bitter about some of the Sylvester family behavior at her wedding, and has been very clear that she does NOT want me to wear the Sylvester necklace. The necklace is beautiful and intricate up close, but looks awkward and lumpy when viewed from a normal distance. I think I am going to wear the simple pearl pendant necklace my mom wore (which her parents gave to her for her 8th grade graduation), and some big gold chandelier earrings. I was going to pick out something new in the style that I wanted, but I think wearing my mom's necklace will be a nice way to incorporate a family connection, and it will also make it harder for the Sylvesters to give me crap for not wearing their necklace. Here's my mom and her dad on her wedding day. You can kind of see the necklace. Doesn't the bearded guy in the background look like John? That's my Uncle Skip. He's not really my uncle.

flowers: Haven't picked a florist yet, but these are some of the pictures I've given them to show what I like. orange, yellow, peach, coral, white and lots of natural greenery! Sourcing locally and sustainable as much as possible : )

ladies clothes (this means you!): I'm back to thinking yellow is the right color. Perhaps like this...these pictures are too faded and vintage-y, so the people look a bit drab, but I think with different lighting these probably looked quite happy and spring-y. I still like the slightly mis-matched look, but if this gets to be too much of a pain in the butt for you guys we can probably pick something that everyone could wear.

man clothes: John and the boys will be dapper. The shoes below are the actual shoes I convinced him to buy from Nordstrom Rack a few months ago. They are beautiful. It's weird to say that about man-shoes, but the rich color and sharp details...I really dig them. They are going to wear gray suits (not making them all buy the same one, but shooting for a mid to light gray color). Thinking a tie (or bowtie!) with some orange tones...but still TBD.

invitations: I learned a lot at our Paper Source meeting. More about paper and printing and paper sizes and postage and print companies than I could have imagined. I also learned that Paper Source would cost about twice our budget for the kind of invitations I want. So we've ordered a sample of this design from etsy, and it's the frontrunner. With some customization, of course :)

 

food:  It was important to John and I to pick a caterer that emphasized sustainable practices and local, seasonal food. The caterer we (okay, my dad) picked does these things, but they don't give me the warm fuzzies. Oh well. Important food notes:

1. the crab cake appetizers are absolutely killer. Make sure you get some. And if possible, hoard them in your pockets for me. (The little plates they come on are recycled plastic and are washed and reused)

2. the wedding cake will have two flavors. Chocolate raspberry and vanilla raspberry. While I liked the idea of a less traditional wedding cake, this one comes with the catering package and it tastes good. And the decision is made!

 

Catholic Camp

Last weekend was John and my Catholic marriage preparation retreat weekend. I was sick for most of the weekend and most of this past week, which made it particularly challenging. I'm still digesting how I feel about the whole thing. John and I have agreed to do some research and spend some more time thinking about the Catholic-ness of our wedding. A few of my take-away thoughts:

1. I think it's a very positive thing that Catholics insist on some sort of marriage preparation before you get married in the Church. It's true that you inevitably get wrapped up in planning your wedding when you get engaged, and taking some time to focus on your marriage (you know, hopefully the rest of your life after that wedding day) is really important. Obviously, Catholics aren't the only ones who've thought of this -- there are all sorts of non-Catholic outlets for this type of marriage preparation, too.
2. I feel reassured that John and I have very open communication already. No major revelations or issues that we haven't already discussed. Though, I was reminded that despite many similarities, we do have different personalities. It's a long story, but the take-away message is that I need to find time for booty shaking and being loud in public. John does not need to do these things. (But he's such a good booty shaker!)
3. In a Catholic wedding, the couple administers the sacrament of marriage to each other. The priest presides, but ultimately, the Catholics acknowledge that it comes down to a commitment freely made by the two people.
4. Having kids is a central part of Catholic marriage stuff. Some people find this objectionable -- which I get -- but I want kids some day (some day) so this is not a big issue for me. I appreciated that they made a point to emphasize that not every couple can have kids (either physically or financially), and that there are lots of ways to fulfill this "life giving" element of marriage -- through being a good aunt or uncle, or auntie, participating in mentoring programs, adoption, etc. etc. I like this broader concept of the importance of being "life giving" in your life together. It's about being outwardly focused and sharing your talents, gifts, and yourself with others. It's about the progress of mankind (ok, I made up that part).
5. It sucks that the way Catholic doctrine interprets this life-giving element of marriage makes them exclude and discriminate against gay people. As it turns out, interpretations of all sorts of Catholic things, -- and John and my ability to have our own interpretation of these things without feeling like we've gone too far afield from the official Catholic doctrine and are just faking it -- is the bottom line that we need to figure out in the next few weeks.
6. I feel uncomfortable with public prayer.
7. Catholics talk about marriage as a vocation. I can get with this concept. Every day it'll be my job to love John and see the good in him, even when he's a pain in the butt. It's a beautiful thing to think that two people who aren't related and have no reason to care about each other, can become each others greatest advocates and love each other unconditionally. I think there's something about that that gives me hope for peace and progress in the world.
8. Technical difficulties stopped us from viewing the new natural family planning (or, NFP, as Catholics like to call it) DVD. Bummer.
9. The food was terrible. Terrible.
10. Then, Sunday night the Ravens lost to the Seahawks. Bummer #2.

So, coming out of the weekend, I feel pretty good that John and I have good communication and shared expectations that make us feel at least somewhat prepared for marriage. But, we have some work to do on the wedding planning and making sure that going the Catholic route is right for us.

PS. One of the most fun parts of being engaged for me is dreaming completely openly and freely about our future. No caveats about "if we're together..." or "if we had kids...". We got as far as discussing potential baby names, which has now become our favorite joke. We go through types of rocks, modes of transportation, favorite animals, vegetable names, and anything else. So, for example, "Cinderblock Melanie Roche" or "Benjamin Giraffe Roche" or "Artichoke Safflower Roche". The possibilities are endless.

Save the Dates

Getting out our save the date cards has been a rather lengthy process. We started them a while ago, tweaked the design a bunch of times, then figured out how to print them, re-sized them to fit in envelopes (oops), went out and bought colored envelopes, and then put all this away safely on the kitchen table for the last two weeks while we did other life things. I don't feel pressure to get these out -- we have 6 months to go and most people are already "saving the date". But, they do need to get finished soon -- and we should get them out before the holiday season bears down.

Last night I started addressing the envelopes. I was surprised that it made me so happy! I'd looked at our guest list (which is still not final) many times. But actually writing the names and addresses of our friends and family on the envelopes made the whole thing seem even more real. It made me excited for the party! Now we just need to get stamps and finish addressing the other half.

Things I like

on second thought...

These colors look kind of boring. I'm re-thinking

Dress Ideas

mour fleurs

rae florae

Beautiful arrangement from Blooms & Company

A little over the top, but I do like that green hangy-downy stuff. Anybody got a name for that?