Last weekend was John and my Catholic marriage preparation retreat weekend. I was sick for most of the weekend and most of this past week, which made it particularly challenging. I'm still digesting how I feel about the whole thing. John and I have agreed to do some research and spend some more time thinking about the Catholic-ness of our wedding. A few of my take-away thoughts:
1. I think it's a very positive thing that Catholics insist on some sort of marriage preparation before you get married in the Church. It's true that you inevitably get wrapped up in planning your wedding when you get engaged, and taking some time to focus on your marriage (you know, hopefully the rest of your life after that wedding day) is really important. Obviously, Catholics aren't the only ones who've thought of this -- there are all sorts of non-Catholic outlets for this type of marriage preparation, too.
2. I feel reassured that John and I have very open communication already. No major revelations or issues that we haven't already discussed. Though, I was reminded that despite many similarities, we do have different personalities. It's a long story, but the take-away message is that I need to find time for booty shaking and being loud in public. John does not need to do these things. (But he's such a good booty shaker!)
3. In a Catholic wedding, the couple administers the sacrament of marriage to each other. The priest presides, but ultimately, the Catholics acknowledge that it comes down to a commitment freely made by the two people.
4. Having kids is a central part of Catholic marriage stuff. Some people find this objectionable -- which I get -- but I want kids some day (some day) so this is not a big issue for me. I appreciated that they made a point to emphasize that not every couple can have kids (either physically or financially), and that there are lots of ways to fulfill this "life giving" element of marriage -- through being a good aunt or uncle, or auntie, participating in mentoring programs, adoption, etc. etc. I like this broader concept of the importance of being "life giving" in your life together. It's about being outwardly focused and sharing your talents, gifts, and yourself with others. It's about the progress of mankind (ok, I made up that part).
5. It sucks that the way Catholic doctrine interprets this life-giving element of marriage makes them exclude and discriminate against gay people. As it turns out, interpretations of all sorts of Catholic things, -- and John and my ability to have our own interpretation of these things without feeling like we've gone too far afield from the official Catholic doctrine and are just faking it -- is the bottom line that we need to figure out in the next few weeks.
6. I feel uncomfortable with public prayer.
7. Catholics talk about marriage as a vocation. I can get with this concept. Every day it'll be my job to love John and see the good in him, even when he's a pain in the butt. It's a beautiful thing to think that two people who aren't related and have no reason to care about each other, can become each others greatest advocates and love each other unconditionally. I think there's something about that that gives me hope for peace and progress in the world.
8. Technical difficulties stopped us from viewing the new natural family planning (or, NFP, as Catholics like to call it) DVD. Bummer.
9. The food was terrible. Terrible.
10. Then, Sunday night the Ravens lost to the Seahawks. Bummer #2.
So, coming out of the weekend, I feel pretty good that John and I have good communication and shared expectations that make us feel at least somewhat prepared for marriage. But, we have some work to do on the wedding planning and making sure that going the Catholic route is right for us.
PS. One of the most fun parts of being engaged for me is dreaming completely openly and freely about our future. No caveats about "if we're together..." or "if we had kids...". We got as far as discussing potential baby names, which has now become our favorite joke. We go through types of rocks, modes of transportation, favorite animals, vegetable names, and anything else. So, for example, "Cinderblock Melanie Roche" or "Benjamin Giraffe Roche" or "Artichoke Safflower Roche". The possibilities are endless.
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